...don�t try to figure out my experience � there�s no method to my madness...
THE INVITATIONOriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder
It doesn�t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart�s longing.
It doesn�t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool For love For your dream For the adventure of being alive.
It doesn�t interest me what planets are squaring Your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center Of your own sorrow If you have been opened by life�s betrayals Or have become shriveled and closed From fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain Mine or your own Without moving to hide it Or fade it Or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy Mine or your own If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you To the tips of your fingers and toes Without cautioning us To be careful To be realistic To remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn�t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another To be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal And not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless And therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty Even when it is not pretty every day.. And if you can source your own life From its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure Yours and mine And still stand on the edge of the lake And shout to the silver of the full moon, �Yes.�
It doesn�t interest me to know where you live Or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night Of grief and despair Weary and bruised to the bone To do what needs to be done To feed the children.
It doesn�t interest me who you know Or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand In the center of the fire with me And not shrink back.
It doesn�t interest me where or what or with whom You have studied. I want to know what sustains you From the inside When all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself And if you truly like the company you keep In the empty moments.
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"With exceedingly great joy....." - 2006-02-27, 9:05 p.m. I haven�t had a real big amount of time to talk about this, but now that I�m sitting here on the floor of my apartment, I thought this would be a good time to talk about some of the events that are coming up in my life and how excited I am about them. This coming weekend, I�ll be surrounded by family and good friends in celebration of the upcoming birth of my baby girl. First of all, just getting to this point is overwhelming for me � for various health reasons, part of me never thought I would ever have a child. 2005 was such a big year for me � I married my husband (who deems to be a royal pain I the ass from time to time, but ultimately is the love of my life) and got pregnant with this little amazing thing that kicks me all night. And now, she�s almost here and I don�t know how to contain myself some days. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside when I think about how things are going to change in my life when she gets here. I mean, in my first months of pregnancy I thought a lot about how things would be when I got to this moment. Those first months of fear � thinking about how nervous I would be when she got here and how labor would scare the shit out of me � it would blow my mind. Now that things are getting into the home stretch, those fears come to the surface more and more. Some days I can barely contain myself! It keeps me up at night, that�s for sure. Well this weekend is my baby shower. Things got off to a pretty slow start and towards the end, invitations and planning got a little rushed. Due to that, my expectations of people really showing up in the amounts that I had originally predicted were very minimal. Well, my best friend Lisa will be here on Friday night � she�s traveling by train an ungodly amount of hours to be here with me. Then, along with that, my girlfriend Michelle is flying in from Cleveland that same day, and my cousin is driving in from Maryland with her two little girls! Everyone seems as motivated about this shower as I am � I�m so excited about them coming here. It�s been so long since I�ve seen my best friend. We talk almost every day online, but traveling has been hard due to finances. The past two years have been true transitions for me, but Lisa has and is always supportive. I just think about how we met � 6th grade keyboarding in this little suburban Texas junior high school full of students who were NOTHING like us. And we�ve stayed the best of friends. Through both of us losing parents� through each other�s marriages� through becoming mothers� we�ve been through so much together it�s crazy. When I got pregnant with Akaiylyn, I saw her husband online and got her cellphone number (I was being too lazy to go get my organizer out of the car). When I called her, she was at the store. I started the conversation like this: �Okay, so I�m pregnant!� And she was so excited!! I remember that �excited� feeling when she told me about her pregnancy with Jillian � and subsequently with Aidan. It makes me feel so much joy that she�s going to be here in only a couple of days! I can talk about this all day, but the gist of it all is that my best friend is coming to visit! Some of the drama that I thought was going to pop off at my baby shower is deflected (that�s an ENTIRELY separate entry that I�ll get to MUCH later) and I�m finally starting to feel a little calmer and more and more excited. My husband will finally get a chance to meet ALL of my family � both natural and extended. More likely than not, Lisa and I will get a chance to drive to Richmond on Saturday � I�ll get to show here a little bit of Virginia (and stop at my favorite barbeque spot) while going to pick up a family member. We�ll do some shopping and do a lot of laughing � I can�t freaking wait! So I have something to look forward to � separate from my little girl but all because of her. She�s not even here and bringing me so much joy! -Blessings
In memory - 2006-09-06 all content copyright its-a-newday 2005 |
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