...don�t try to figure out my experience � there�s no method to my madness...

THE INVITATION

Oriah Mountain Dreamer,

Indian Elder

It doesn�t interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for

And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart�s longing.

It doesn�t interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

For love

For your dream

For the adventure of being alive.

It doesn�t interest me what planets are squaring

Your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center

Of your own sorrow

If you have been opened by life�s betrayals

Or have become shriveled and closed

From fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain

Mine or your own

Without moving to hide it

Or fade it

Or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy

Mine or your own

If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you

To the tips of your fingers and toes

Without cautioning us

To be careful

To be realistic

To remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn�t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another

To be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

And not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

And therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

Even when it is not pretty every day..

And if you can source your own life

From its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure

Yours and mine

And still stand on the edge of the lake

And shout to the silver of the full moon,

�Yes.�

It doesn�t interest me to know where you live

Or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after a night

Of grief and despair

Weary and bruised to the bone

To do what needs to be done

To feed the children.

It doesn�t interest me who you know

Or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

In the center of the fire with me

And not shrink back.

It doesn�t interest me where or what or with whom

You have studied.

I want to know what sustains you

From the inside

When all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself

And if you truly like the company you keep

In the empty moments.

"With exceedingly great joy....." - 2006-02-27, 9:05 p.m.

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I haven�t had a real big amount of time to talk about this, but now that I�m sitting here on the floor of my apartment, I thought this would be a good time to talk about some of the events that are coming up in my life and how excited I am about them. This coming weekend, I�ll be surrounded by family and good friends in celebration of the upcoming birth of my baby girl. First of all, just getting to this point is overwhelming for me � for various health reasons, part of me never thought I would ever have a child. 2005 was such a big year for me � I married my husband (who deems to be a royal pain I the ass from time to time, but ultimately is the love of my life) and got pregnant with this little amazing thing that kicks me all night. And now, she�s almost here and I don�t know how to contain myself some days. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside when I think about how things are going to change in my life when she gets here. I mean, in my first months of pregnancy I thought a lot about how things would be when I got to this moment. Those first months of fear � thinking about how nervous I would be when she got here and how labor would scare the shit out of me � it would blow my mind. Now that things are getting into the home stretch, those fears come to the surface more and more. Some days I can barely contain myself! It keeps me up at night, that�s for sure.

Well this weekend is my baby shower. Things got off to a pretty slow start and towards the end, invitations and planning got a little rushed. Due to that, my expectations of people really showing up in the amounts that I had originally predicted were very minimal. Well, my best friend Lisa will be here on Friday night � she�s traveling by train an ungodly amount of hours to be here with me. Then, along with that, my girlfriend Michelle is flying in from Cleveland that same day, and my cousin is driving in from Maryland with her two little girls! Everyone seems as motivated about this shower as I am � I�m so excited about them coming here. It�s been so long since I�ve seen my best friend. We talk almost every day online, but traveling has been hard due to finances. The past two years have been true transitions for me, but Lisa has and is always supportive. I just think about how we met � 6th grade keyboarding in this little suburban Texas junior high school full of students who were NOTHING like us. And we�ve stayed the best of friends. Through both of us losing parents� through each other�s marriages� through becoming mothers� we�ve been through so much together it�s crazy. When I got pregnant with Akaiylyn, I saw her husband online and got her cellphone number (I was being too lazy to go get my organizer out of the car). When I called her, she was at the store. I started the conversation like this: �Okay, so I�m pregnant!� And she was so excited!! I remember that �excited� feeling when she told me about her pregnancy with Jillian � and subsequently with Aidan. It makes me feel so much joy that she�s going to be here in only a couple of days!

I can talk about this all day, but the gist of it all is that my best friend is coming to visit! Some of the drama that I thought was going to pop off at my baby shower is deflected (that�s an ENTIRELY separate entry that I�ll get to MUCH later) and I�m finally starting to feel a little calmer and more and more excited. My husband will finally get a chance to meet ALL of my family � both natural and extended. More likely than not, Lisa and I will get a chance to drive to Richmond on Saturday � I�ll get to show here a little bit of Virginia (and stop at my favorite barbeque spot) while going to pick up a family member. We�ll do some shopping and do a lot of laughing � I can�t freaking wait! So I have something to look forward to � separate from my little girl but all because of her. She�s not even here and bringing me so much joy!

-Blessings

<< then << // >> now >>

In memory - 2006-09-06
Okay,... so I'm a little pissed off. - 2006-07-04
Miracles Happen - 2006-04-23
With exceedingly great joy..... - 2006-02-27
I just had to share.... - 2006-02-20

all content copyright its-a-newday 2005

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