...don�t try to figure out my experience � there�s no method to my madness...
THE INVITATIONOriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder
It doesn�t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart�s longing.
It doesn�t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool For love For your dream For the adventure of being alive.
It doesn�t interest me what planets are squaring Your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center Of your own sorrow If you have been opened by life�s betrayals Or have become shriveled and closed From fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain Mine or your own Without moving to hide it Or fade it Or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy Mine or your own If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you To the tips of your fingers and toes Without cautioning us To be careful To be realistic To remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn�t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another To be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal And not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless And therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty Even when it is not pretty every day.. And if you can source your own life From its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure Yours and mine And still stand on the edge of the lake And shout to the silver of the full moon, �Yes.�
It doesn�t interest me to know where you live Or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night Of grief and despair Weary and bruised to the bone To do what needs to be done To feed the children.
It doesn�t interest me who you know Or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand In the center of the fire with me And not shrink back.
It doesn�t interest me where or what or with whom You have studied. I want to know what sustains you From the inside When all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself And if you truly like the company you keep In the empty moments.
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"Okay,... so I'm a little pissed off." - 2006-07-04, 12:40 p.m. Okay, I just need to vent about this: (WARNING: This is just a typical rant over some things that I think are utterly RIDICULOUS and if I come off as a huge uber-bitch for saying this, then that�s what it�s going to have to be � there�s just a limit to the amount of stupidity that I can watch or listen to. Oh yeah, and I�ll be cursing in this message.) Now, picture this (even though I�m sure that you all have seen stupid shit like this before). Boy and girl date. Girl gets pregnant. Both move in with girl�s mother. Now, this is what ticks me off. GIRL expects that everyone ELSE is going to take care of her and starts requesting the most RIDICULOUS shit that she can�t afford because SHE DOESN�T HAVE A JOB for her baby. Girl�s mother and boy have to put up with girl�s WHINING over the shit that she wants BUT CAN�T AFFORD until one caves and buys her what she wants. Sounds stupid, eh? This is what I don�t get. Now everyone on this list are people that I know personally (give or take one or two people) and all of you know that I just had a baby. I�m not saying that everything was perfect when I was pregnant with Akaiylyn (because it wasn�t) but Richard and I made out the best that we could. I wasn�t working and THANK GOD my husband is in the Navy � we made due. When Akaiylyn got here, everything that she needed was purchased WELL in advance. Her bassinet was up (and had been up for like two months), her carseat was installed, my hospital bag was packed and everything was ready to go. Anyone who had been to my apartment saw that my tiny little apartment had been transformed into �Baby Station 101.� We did a couple of frivolous things for Miss Akaiylyn�s arrival � I had a 4D ultrasound done, my baby shower was at Jillian�s in this BEAUTIFUL banquet room with delicious catered food, and I had professional photography done of me with my HUGE belly (twice, in fact due to the kindness to two VERY good friends). BUT NONE OF THAT happened before everything was purchased for my little girl (and money was set aside for the things that we did not get at the baby shower). I realized early that having good family and friends is one of the BEST things ANYONE could have (since I was blessed to not have that much to buy after my baby shower was over) and I was GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING I received for my baby girl. But I was also very realistic � babies are hella expensive and before I did anything that was cool, but frivolous I made sure that all of my essential items were bought and that my child would not suffer from my decisions. Now I see this all of the time, where parents can barely afford the rent but they buy their 3 month old Ralph Lauren and Rocawear � things that poor child won�t wear a good 6 weeks! They are too busy buying brand name maternity clothes instead of putting money away for a child�s stroller�. Or bedroom set�.or formula�. Or doctor�s visits. WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT! These people think that WIC is supposed to finance all of their needs so they can continue to be reckless and downright irresponsible. It makes me SOOOOOOOO mad! These women think that by doing these things, they are doing something for �their babies.� �Oh, this is for my baby and I�ll do anything for my baby.� BULLSHIT. You�ll do anything for yourself and that�s all this is for. When your baby is born, they�re not going to give a shit about some 4D Ultrasound and how LAVISH your baby shower was � all they are going to care about is �Where am I gonna sleep?�, �What am I gonna eat?�, �Who is gonna cuddle with me when I cry?�, �Who and what�s gonna keep me warm?� and �Who is gonna wash my ass?� Those memories are for YOU and ONLY YOU. Admittedly, it might be cool when she�s older to show her what she looked like in the womb (especially since Akaiylyn decided it would be cute to flip off the ultrasound technician when she was doing the 4D Ultrasound) but it�s not something that will be life or death for her. Everything that she immediately needed was taken care of WELL before we did the things that were intangible and objects to make memories with. I learned a long time ago that (IDEALLY � because SOME people are actually motivated to get up off their ass and do something with themselves after they have a child) one shouldn�t� have children until they are out of their parents house and have the ability to support that baby ON THEIR OWN. That�s why it took me to turn 26 to have my first � I promised myself that I would NEVER bring life into this world for my grandmother or the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT or ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER to support. If I chose to lay down and conceive a child, then anything that is given to me is done so by the goodness of someone�s heart � not because they feel sorry for me or because they don�t want to hear me bitch and complain�.. And on that note: JUST BECAUSE YOU�RE PREGNANT DOESN�T MEAN THAT THE WORLD IS GONNA KISS YOUR ASS. I know that�s a harsh statement, but I see it all of the TIME! Now, my husband (or anyone�s husband, father of the child, WHATEVER) should give me a little emotional leeway (which he did) when I�m pregnant. But no one else owes you SHIT� and even with your husband, there�s a limit to how much bullshit they should have to take too. Pregnancy is not a free ticket to abuse the people in your life. There are sooooooooooo many times during my pregnancy that I had to eat my words and apologize to my spouse, and times that I just had to hold my tongue because what I was going to say was downright mean. No one deserves that � if you�re human, you deserve to be respected. And if people are willing to do things for you, then BE GRATEFUL THAT THEY EVEN CARE ENOUGH TO DO IT! When you�re broke and you don�t have a job, then the people in your life that care are your BIGGEST RESOURCES! Like I said above, the people that care about me did SO MUCH for my daughter! I�m not going to have to buy clothes for her for MONTHS! My girlfriends came together and threw the nicest baby shower that I�ve ever seen, and gave me soooooooo many things that were essentials for my baby girl. And to this day, I STILL THANK THEM for the love that I have been shown. I don�t have either of my parents � there was no grandma and grandpa to gush over my daughter. But I had the love of my extended family that gave her so much love. (And if any of you are reading this, you know who you are and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!) So that�s my rant � parents, BE RESPONSIBLE and UNSELFISH and GRATEFUL FOR THE BLESSINGS THAT YOU HAVE. And realize that children don�t need $900 Bugaboo strollers and 4D Ultrasounds and Prada baby clothes to know that they are loved. Because my little girl doesn�t know the difference between �Gymboree� and �Faded Glory.� (aka Wal-Mart clothes) For all I know, all she cares about is that she�s dressed and that she OWNS Mommy�s shoulder for comfort when she needs it. Please comment! -Blessings
In memory - 2006-09-06 all content copyright its-a-newday 2005 |
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