THE INVITATIONOriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder It doesn�t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart�s longing. It doesn�t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool For love For your dream For the adventure of being alive. It doesn�t interest me what planets are squaring Your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center Of your own sorrow If you have been opened by life�s betrayals Or have become shriveled and closed From fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain Mine or your own Without moving to hide it Or fade it Or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy Mine or your own If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you To the tips of your fingers and toes Without cautioning us To be careful To be realistic To remember the limitations of being human. It doesn�t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another To be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal And not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless And therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty Even when it is not pretty every day.. And if you can source your own life From its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure Yours and mine And still stand on the edge of the lake And shout to the silver of the full moon, �Yes.� It doesn�t interest me to know where you live Or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night Of grief and despair Weary and bruised to the bone To do what needs to be done To feed the children. It doesn�t interest me who you know Or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand In the center of the fire with me And not shrink back. It doesn�t interest me where or what or with whom You have studied. I want to know what sustains you From the inside When all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself And if you truly like the company you keep In the empty moments. | |
 "About Me (101 Things)"
- 2005-03-17, 3:17 p.m.
4 comments so far revised May 11, 2005
My best friend did this for her diary, so I thought I would follow suit and do the same thing. Get ready you guys.... 101 Things About Me 1) I was born in a small catholic hospital in Newport News, VA.
2) To this day unless I�m deathly ill, I will not go to any other hospital.
3) I work for the city that I live in doing contracts for concerts.
4) I love what I do, but can�t stand most of the people I work for.
5) The people that fall into that �most� category probably don�t know it.
6) I�m 25 years old as of the date that this was written.
7) I�m divorced from a US Marine.
8) My dad and the majority of my family have no idea that I was ever married � they knew that he and I were engaged but not that we took the next step.
9) I have all intentions of keeping it that way.
10) My ex and I didn�t have any children, which is the best thing that DIDN'T happen in my marriage.
11) I�m single,� and that�s okay! =).
12) I was in love with someone, but we broke up recently.
13) Our breakup was amicable, which is something that I�m really happy about. I�m glad that we still speak.
14) I have a fear of being alone � in that way I�m like my mother.
15) I believe that every single woman should have a fan club. It makes you feel better when you�re lonely.
16) I look forward to eventually being married and raising a family in the future. In the words of Common: �There are a lot of women that can say that they are mothers, but can�t say they are wives.
17) I didn�t have a real wedding the first time I tied the knot so when I do marry again, I plan to have something to make a lasting memory for me and my future husband.
18) Fuck the tradition � I�m not a virgin and I�m STILL wearing white.
19) I want at least four children.
20) My first daughter�s name is going to be Akaiylyn Elizabeth.
21) Akaiylyn is a mixture of my grandmother�s name, my middle name and my mom�s name.
22) My mom died my senior year of high school. She was 40 � I was 17.
23) My grandfather died a year later � both from cancer.
24) My grandmother will be 87 years old on her next birthday.
25) My grandmother and grandfather were married for almost 60 years.
26) Every day of my life I pray to have the kind of love that her and my grandfather had.
27) My mom�s side of the family is really close � we get on each other�s nerves a lot, but I love them immensely.
28) I barely know my dad�s side of the family � and I think that�s a bad thing.
29) My dad and my mom divorced when I was 3 due to my dad�s drug habit.
30) My dad is 45 and is just going through rehab.
31) I love my father and am more proud of him than I have ever been in my life.
32) From 5 years old to 25, I�ve only seen my father 5 times.
33) The last time was on my 21st birthday.
34) He raised his girlfriend�s two kids when he was not raising me � and I resented him for that for a long time.
35) My dad and I talk often on the phone, but I hate the fact that we don�t see each other as often as we should.
36) Almost everyone on my dad�s side of the family has diabetes.
37) I was diagnosed with diabetes at 16, and I take both pills and shots.
38) I worry about my diabetes when I decide to have children � I keep thinking of Shelby from �Steel Magnolias.�
39) I spent most of my growing years between Virginia and Texas. I spent 6 months in Kentucky my junior year in high school.
40) That was the longest time I ever spent with my dad that I can honestly remember, and I remember being pretty happy when his girlfriend wasn�t involved.
41) I can�t decide what state I consider home � Texas or Virginia. I�m at the point where both hold a special place in my heart.
42) Even though Virginia is one of my homes, I look forward to moving and experiencing somewhere else.
43) I�ve only had one pet in my lifetime � a Pomeranian named Jean Claude. He passed away about 5 years ago and I miss him. I liked the way he kissed my nose.
44) When I get an apartment without roommates and can afford not to have two jobs, I plan to get another Pomeranian. My boyfriend wants a big dog, so we�ll get two dogs. =)
45) To happier things, my favorite movie of all time is �Dead Poets Society� followed by �Steel Magnolias.� I call this the �Southern, but cultured� tag team mix.
46) I consider myself spiritual, but not religious. I believe in the Trinity (the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost), but not in the way that modern day religion tries to market Christianity for profit. Mega churches make me want to vomit and pastors who have too many members to minister to have to big of a congregation and need to minister to the people that they have instead of trying to recruit new people to help pay for his Caddy.
47) I have a habit of going on rants when I am passionate about something. =) Constructive rants, but rants nonetheless.
48) I�ve got two years to complete on a double major in International Business and Political Science.
49) I want to be an attorney that focuses on nonprofit law.
50) I�ll probably be old as hell when I reach that goal, but it�s attainable.
51) I love to laugh: most of the time you see me, I have a big smile on my face.
52) I�m an only child, but I have a host of people I�ve adopted as my siblings.
53) In that group, I�m the only girl and I like it that way. =)
54) I started this diary as an outlet for my feelings � I always find myself in deep thought with no way to express it and that used to make me a really angry person.
55) Even though I started it as an outlet, I rarely get to write in it because I rarely have time.
56) My brothers tell me that I care too much about everything and everybody and never have any time to myself.
57) In my heart I know that they are right, but I�ll never admit that to them.
58) Death, abandonment and being a failure are my biggest fears.
59) I dream of being able to give my children all of the things that I never had� but to be honest, I can�t say that I ever wanted for that much.
60) My mother, my grandfather and my grandmother broke their backs to make sure I was always happy.
61) I wish my grandfather and my mother were still here so that I can show them how much I appreciate it.
62) It took me to become an adult to understand my mother. She was in two abusive relationships and I never could understand why she dealt with it.
63) Sadly, now I do understand how a woman will put up with a lot just to avoid being alone.
64) My ex boyfriend didn�t make me feel that way � my ex-husband did.
65) My mother also taught me that quality of life is so much more important that quantity of life.
66) I think about the quality of my life every day and know that it sucks now � the only exceptions being my apartment and my relationships with my friends. But the only person that can change that is me.
67) I have very many associates, but few friends.
68) My best friend is the one who started doing this list of a 101 things and I decided to follow suit.
69) My best friend and I have known each other since sixth grade � we met in a computer class.
70) I hope one day to have children that smile as much as her children do.
71) I collect stuffed animals � my room is covered in them.
72) For Valentine�s Day, I got a Cabbage Patch doll� and a white gold/diamond heart-shaped pendant that I never take off.
73) I believe in fate, but to an extent. I believe that everything is relative and that God puts us in situations and gives us the ability to make choices. But that we continue to revolve in that same situation until we learn the lesson that was meant for us to learn.
74) I love rainy days. I like to watch the rain fall on the skylight in my bedroom.
75) My favorite season is fall � I love the colors!
76) Followed by winter because I love Christmas!
77) I send out crazy amounts of Christmas cards every year.
78) I look forward to sitting around the table with my husband and children signing Christmas cards around the holidays one day.
79) I can�t really pick between summer and springtime as far as their hierarchy � it�s humid as hell in VA during the summer and the springtime is crazy rain.
80) To me, rain is really great sex weather but springtime will make a girl get pregnant! =) Not now! Can I get the ring first? =)
81) I LOVE NCAA basketball. During March Madness, there is no purpose to call my house.
82) My goal when I get my degree is to get a pair of tickets to the NCAA Final Four.
83) Nikki Giovanni is my favorite poet. I got to meet her when William and Mary recruited me.
84) I am DEATHLY afraid of spiders.
85) I love rollercoasters and can ride with the best of them.
86) I expect to spend some part of my life traveling. I�ll jump on a plane in a heartbeat, but hate the bus.
87) People who are miserable for no reason make me sick. I can�t sit there and listen to them continuously or I�ll start to hyperventilate.
88) At one point in my life, I feel that I was one of those people but it took a very important person in my life to teach me how to embrace the �fuck you.�
89) I�m addicted to my cellphone. I can�t see how people survive without them.
90) I drive a Chevy Equinox now; I used to have a Jeep.
91) My grandfather always drove Chevy�s. I come from a Chevy family. =)
92) I love scary movies, but dramas are my favorite.
93) I go salsa dancing as much as I can. It takes away stress and makes me feel sexy.
94) I�m 25 years old and I have braces. They SUCK
95) I�m overweight and it doesn�t bother me like it did when I was a child � I�m beautiful regardless.
96) I was afraid to go to my high school graduation because I was afraid the crowd was going to �moo� at me.
97) This actually happened to me in middle school.
98) Bastista is my favorite wrestler and YES, I watch WWE. =)
99) Girl Scout Cookies are addicting,.. and I eat them to prove my theory.
100) I love with all of my heart, therefore I hurt with all of my heart as well.
101) I can�t believe I got through 101 things. Lisa should be impressed! =)
-Blessings
<< then <<
// >> now >>
In memory - 2006-09-06
Okay,... so I'm a little pissed off. - 2006-07-04
Miracles Happen - 2006-04-23
With exceedingly great joy..... - 2006-02-27
I just had to share.... - 2006-02-20
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