...don�t try to figure out my experience � there�s no method to my madness...
THE INVITATIONOriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder
It doesn�t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart�s longing.
It doesn�t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool For love For your dream For the adventure of being alive.
It doesn�t interest me what planets are squaring Your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center Of your own sorrow If you have been opened by life�s betrayals Or have become shriveled and closed From fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain Mine or your own Without moving to hide it Or fade it Or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy Mine or your own If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you To the tips of your fingers and toes Without cautioning us To be careful To be realistic To remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn�t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another To be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal And not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless And therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty Even when it is not pretty every day.. And if you can source your own life From its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure Yours and mine And still stand on the edge of the lake And shout to the silver of the full moon, �Yes.�
It doesn�t interest me to know where you live Or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night Of grief and despair Weary and bruised to the bone To do what needs to be done To feed the children.
It doesn�t interest me who you know Or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand In the center of the fire with me And not shrink back.
It doesn�t interest me where or what or with whom You have studied. I want to know what sustains you From the inside When all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself And if you truly like the company you keep In the empty moments.
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"Decisions (Part 1)" - 2005-03-17, 12:10 p.m. I started a new job on December 28th with the City of Norfolk, and admittedly the job is pretty cool. They call me a support technician, which is a glorified clerical assistant, but what I do is far beyond what my title is. With my title, you would think that my day is filled with filing and answering phones. But what I DO is set up contracts for concerts. For all of the venues that are owned by the city, I do the paperwork, act as the middleman for merchandise sales and all around do whatever is asked of me by senior leadership... and I like what I do. Anyone that knows me well knows that music is an essential part of my life and I would suffer without its existence. So being in an environment where I can be actively involved in concert and event planning is right up my alley. But sometimes I get frustrated. I can say this much: instead of being broke outright, at least now I'm broke with benefits. Compared to the private sector, the pay rates for local government jobs are HORRID! I barely have enough money to pay my car note and my rent and then have money to live. I took on a second job in order to provide some supplement, but retail is never any guaranteed hours. So where I thought I would bring in about two or three hundred dollars to provide some type of living money, I barely get enough hours to fill up the gas tank. It's utterly frustrating. But I guess in some aspects I'm lucky. So many people are unemployed these days and at least I have something. At least I'm not without ways to pay the essentials (like rent and the car note). I'm just paying them and broke after I do so. So many crazy things have happened in the past couple of months that have made me discouraged but determined to persevere. About a month after I started my new job, I got into a car accident that totaled my vehicle. I'm alright - I only suffered a couple of days walking funny and some back pain, which is all gone now. But because of it, I had to buy a new car, which increased my car note by $100 a month and suck me in for the long haul in comparison to being over and done with car payments in October like I would have been if the car accident would have never happened. =( At least I got a new car though, a car that I love because it's got all of the gadgets that I wanted like OnStar and a sunroof. (How the simple things make people happy, huh? Heehee!) But it just makes finances even more difficult. One of my roommates moved out and we replaced her a month later, but it caused for us to have a month of elevated bills because one of my roommates has lack of self-control when it comes to the lights. When the electric bill came in, I hit the roof! Over $200 for an apartment that I'm rarely at because I'm either working my butt of or at my grandmother's house. It was INSANE! And instead of coming to a solution to the problem, the roommate that caused this issue is like "Well, we just have to suck it up because electric bills are higher in the winter." BITCH!!! If she'd stop running the heat on blast and leaving the lights on, the this wouldn't be an issue. But she's an entirely different issue that I'll have to approach in a different entry. But it makes finances even more crazy... Now here's my dilemma... I got a phone call from a friend of mine asking me about submitting my resume for another position. Of course, I did it just because they asked - I was taught to always look out for your blessings because you never know how they are going to come. But applying for this job has made me think like crazy. I've been thinking about how taking this job would put me in a much better financial position, but would have me doing something that I utterly hate. See, the position is back on the phones doing something similar to what I did when I worked for Nextel. Now it's a shitload of money, but I would be sacrificing a lot of freedom in my position in order to pad my paycheck. But then there are some things that make that not such a bad idea. Let me explain: In the job I work in now, I work with a lot of people who haven't found their identity and like to make other people suffer because they have nothing better to do. The girl who works the same position that I work is one of the most MISERABLE people I've ever met in my life and she makes what one would look at as a pretty decent position an experience that makes me not want to come to work in the morning. The majority of the staff is a pretty big bunch of chatterboxes - I have made a couple of associates since I've began working here and we all have the same consensus - that most of the people in any position of authority spend the majority of their day gossiping behind people's backs. Even with my position, I get the news about people's issues with things I do through the gossip mill (even though there are not many issues with which I am thankful). It just makes me mad because I've always thought of myself as pretty approachable. I conduct myself in the same manner that I expect people to conduct themselves towards me, so when I have an issue with something, I bring it to their attention until they tell me that they want me to go another route. Then I don't waste my breath. But people around here are off the chain! I think my comfort with the type of work that I am doing is the only thing that keeps me here, because it sure isn't the pay or my coworkers. Now I would be lying to myself if I said the coworker situation would get better by changing jobs, because call centers are just as bad as this place if not worse. But at least you know what you're getting into when you go in the door. I was talking to a friend of mine and telling her my gameplan if I do change positions: 1) Go in with the expectation that things are going to be EXACTLY as they were at Nextel. 2) Work your butt of and keep to yourself. Refuse to get caught up in other people's nonsense and just work to get promoted. 3) STACK DOUGH. Put crazy money into your savings account so you can start saving for all of the things that you want and paying off bills (which I'll discuss a little later). (continued....) -Blessings
In memory - 2006-09-06 all content copyright its-a-newday 2005 |
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