...don�t try to figure out my experience � there�s no method to my madness...
THE INVITATIONOriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder
It doesn�t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart�s longing.
It doesn�t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool For love For your dream For the adventure of being alive.
It doesn�t interest me what planets are squaring Your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center Of your own sorrow If you have been opened by life�s betrayals Or have become shriveled and closed From fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain Mine or your own Without moving to hide it Or fade it Or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy Mine or your own If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you To the tips of your fingers and toes Without cautioning us To be careful To be realistic To remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn�t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another To be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal And not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless And therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty Even when it is not pretty every day.. And if you can source your own life From its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure Yours and mine And still stand on the edge of the lake And shout to the silver of the full moon, �Yes.�
It doesn�t interest me to know where you live Or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night Of grief and despair Weary and bruised to the bone To do what needs to be done To feed the children.
It doesn�t interest me who you know Or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand In the center of the fire with me And not shrink back.
It doesn�t interest me where or what or with whom You have studied. I want to know what sustains you From the inside When all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself And if you truly like the company you keep In the empty moments.
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"New relations" - 2004-11-23, 3:04 p.m. I have this really funny attraction to guys with nice glasses. Frames that fit their face and complement the shape of their eyes makes me want to stare at them for that extra second. Designer frames, classic frames, inexpensive frames,... I don't care! As long as they look nice! It might sound stupid, but think about it. When I picked out my frames for my eyeglasses, it was quite the process. Here is an item that I would wear every day, all day for as long as they last. Something that ultimately become a permanent part of the way that I am seen by every one who encounters me. Whereas I'm not quick to spend a lot of money on neglible things like brand name clothes, if I see a pair of glasses that I think complement my face and make me look both sexy and professional in the same instant, I'm quicker to shell out the extra money. Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, Baby Phat,... regardless! If they look nice, then they look nice! As a woman, that's something that I pay attention to almost like a reflex. But for a man to pay that much attention to what he reflects in his appearance is sexy to me. Something small, yes. But if a man pays enough attention to the simple things like glasses, think of how much more attention he pays to the bigger things in life. An attentive man is the greatest! Attentive to himself, attentive to his affairs, attentive to his relationships.... you can't get too much better than that. =) I recently started talking to this new guy, and I have to admit that things are going pretty well. We met at a salsa club; I hadn't really intended on going out that night, but I needed a break and I knew that I would see some of my friends there. Well, when I go to the club I never want to stop dancing. I'm not a drinker, so dancing is where I have my real fun when I'm out. I was taking a break and I saw this guy; tall, Puerto Rican, sexy as hell... beautiful eyes and NICE GLASSES! He was just standing there, singing a merengue song, but not making any attempt to dance. So I got bold! I went and asked him to dance and he came on the floor with me. We danced all night,... and into the early parts of the morning. Eventually I had to leave because there still was the responsibility of work the next morning. So, I told him goodnight and we exchanged cell phones so that we could enter contact information in each other's phones. After that was completed, I thought the night was over and that all interactions would be over until the next time we would speak (which would be the following Wednesday night after he got back from New York). But then he did it: He kissed me and I felt like my body was traveling fifteen million miles a second. I can't recall the last time I felt like that; that almost high school excitement that only someone that has lacked experiencing real passion could feel. Maybe that's why I felt it. After the moment was over, (and my clothes fought their urge to liquefy right before this guy) I told him goodnight and that I hoped to hear from him when he returned home.... and I did! The Wednesday afternoon after we met he called me. We got together that night at my apartment and have been kicking it ever since. Quedate aqui en mis brazos So here is my crossroads: My last two relationships have given me ultimate rights to complete and total bliss in any relationship I get into from this point forward. (Or at least that's what I keep telling myself) It's been a year and a half since my divorce and the guy that I dealt with in my last relationship should be court-mandated to be surgically castrated (it might sound harsh, but it's the truth - no dick should ever be used that much on someone other than your significant other). I deserve a break. I deserve the opportunity to be happy with someone who makes me feel like I'm made out of porcelain every time we touch. Who treats me with respect and is easy to relate to. Admittedly, with this guy there are a couple of things about him that are WAY out of my normal MO in regards to the guys that I date (for instance, he's WAY younger than me) but to me that's okay. I just love the way I feel when I'm around him. I love the way he smells, the way he kisses, the way we laugh at each other when we say crazy things... I love the way he listens to me when we're talking... right now he makes me so happy. But then there's the side of me that says "Be careful." "Remember what you've already been through." "Don't get too excited." And I pay attention to that side. I haven't really told too many of my friends about him because I think it might be best to just take some time to get settled with the beginnings of our situation before I make a big announcement. I still have guards up from my past relationship(s) and I want to be sure that when I begin the process of telling the people that I love about the person who has my affection, that it's not a temporary thing. I'm so confused I don't know what to say sometimes. There are some days that I want to scream from the top of the Empire State building how happy I am, then there are other days that I want to lock up my happiness in the tightest strongbox so that no one knows how wonderful having someone in my life makes me feel. Marriage has made me totally insecure of what is really worth celebrating... and that fear has split me in half almost like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. But then,.. maybe that's a part of growth. Pray for me, and please leave your advice. - Blessings -Blessings
In memory - 2006-09-06 all content copyright its-a-newday 2005 |
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