...don�t try to figure out my experience � there�s no method to my madness...
THE INVITATIONOriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder
It doesn�t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart�s longing.
It doesn�t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool For love For your dream For the adventure of being alive.
It doesn�t interest me what planets are squaring Your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center Of your own sorrow If you have been opened by life�s betrayals Or have become shriveled and closed From fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain Mine or your own Without moving to hide it Or fade it Or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy Mine or your own If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you To the tips of your fingers and toes Without cautioning us To be careful To be realistic To remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn�t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another To be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal And not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless And therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty Even when it is not pretty every day.. And if you can source your own life From its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure Yours and mine And still stand on the edge of the lake And shout to the silver of the full moon, �Yes.�
It doesn�t interest me to know where you live Or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night Of grief and despair Weary and bruised to the bone To do what needs to be done To feed the children.
It doesn�t interest me who you know Or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand In the center of the fire with me And not shrink back.
It doesn�t interest me where or what or with whom You have studied. I want to know what sustains you From the inside When all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself And if you truly like the company you keep In the empty moments.
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"I've been sick...." - 2005-06-06, 4:32 p.m. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've had a chacne to update, but things have been kind of hectic. I've been sick over the past week - two trips to the emergency room and lots of antibiotics. I had a really bad sinus infection that broke out into two different infections - an ear infection and a UTI. So I haven't been a happy camper over the last couple of days. I'm feeling better now though - the UTI is pretty much so gone and the ear infection is on its last leg. I still have a little bit of alteration in my hearing, but nowhere near what it was at the beginning of the week. For that, I'm thankful. Ironically, through my period of illness I was able to get a whole lot done. When you're stuck in your room for ungodly amounts of time, you tend to be pretty productive. So, I was able to organize parts of my room, listen to some new CDs that I got from some friends and spend some quality time communing to myself. It was pretty refreshing. I can't lie - for a little bit of that time I was taken care of by a guy that I'm dating - this guy named Richard. (I'll talk about him a little later) That was pretty nice - he made it not so lonely. While I was leaned over on one side of my face trying to take away the pain of my ear infection, he held my head and watched movies with me. We cuddled a lot - some of those times I thought about him being my boyfriend and us maybe trying to be in a relationship. But somewhere in between those moments he would say something that would remind me of my ex-husband or even worse, Isiah (a guy I was crazy in love with in anothe lifetime). So I put those feelings on hold and enjoyed the moment that we were making while everything was peaceful. Some days I think that I make things more difficult than they have to be. I mean, whereas I can't stand to be lonely, I also refuse to settle for anyone that I know that in the long run I won't be happy with. Dating isn't that hard - it's moreso of a "right place, right time" thing for me. But then, everything between me and Ral is still so new, so fresh. I talked to one of my girlfriends and she told me that the night be broke up that he went out partying as if he had found freedom by us breaking up. She said he got plastered and hit on a whole bunch of women. I found that really interesting,... but in the end really didn't have too much to say. I mean, he's a grown man and if that's how he felt then more power to him. I am anguished in a way though. The night Ral and I broke up, I spent most of the night in silence..... or reflecting with friends talking about what went wrong and how I felt. I went out a couple of days later, but still reflected on the demise of my relationship like "Wow. Here we go again." Like I said, dating is easy for me,... and for some reason the wrong guys always seek me out to be the one that they want to be in a relationship with. But in the end, it just ends up as more bullshit drama... let me explain: -Blessings
In memory - 2006-09-06 all content copyright its-a-newday 2005 |
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